Skip to main content

See The Thing Is


I need to rant a little.
Maybe a lot. I'm not sure.

But either way. I need to let it out.
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
Med school is a nightmare.
N.I.G.H.T.M.A.R.E. 
7 hours of classes back to bloody back, 5 days a week. Histology assignments to complete, Physiology assignments to finish, Biochem tests to study for every damn week without fail. Communication Skills and Community Medicine slides to go through, Moral studies to remember.
OH MY GOODNESS.
I JUST CANNOT.
I CANNOT.
Excuse me for being anything but sanguine here, I'm usually hope personified but today...I don't know I suppose you could say my spirits aren't exactly lifted.
I knew it was going to be hard but I didn't expect it to be this hard.
I knew I'd have a lot to do but I didn't think it would amount to this much.
I knew I'd be losing sleep but I didn't think I'd go days on end without any sleep at all. 
It's only the second semester of our first year and I'm already so exhausted.
I don't know how I'm going to get through four more years of this. And then go through 2 years of housemanship. And then go through one year doing my M.O. and then another 4 years doing my masters.
I don't know when I'm going to have my own family or if I'm even going to meet my baby daddy.
I don't know how things are going to work out. I don't know how I'm going to fare. 
I just don't know.
I don't know what made me decide to do medicine in the first place. All I knew was that I wanted to be a part of the Doctors Without Borders team. I still want that. But I don't know if I'll ever make it.
I don't know how to get into bed every night without a splitting headache. 
I don't know how I'm going to keep fit if I don't have any time whatsoever for physical fitness.
My temper these days isn't really good. All this lack of sleep makes me cranky and moody and I've got dark circles under my eyes like it was a birth right.
My eating habits are all haywire except for breakfast which is at ten every morning. We usually go without lunch and get something after class at five instead. And if I'm up studying there's gotta be some chocolate or biscuits or juice or tea available in the kitchen. I'd kill for a giant jar of M&M's to keep me awake.
PLUS the fact that I'm being watched like a God-damn hawk doesn't help matters AT. ALL. All the added pressure and tension makes it that much worse.
I can't take it!
I can't keep up with all these sky high expectations!
I can't spend hours keeping up with lectures in class then come back and pour my brains out studying 'till midnight!
I can't!
Someone get me outta here before my tears flood the apartment.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Table Topics: Judgement & Understanding

Took one of my classmates out today coz she needed to get some things. She's been through a lot. Nothing I will disclose here but we had a pretty long chat in the car once we got back. And it's really true what they say about never judging someone before getting to know them. She opened up to me about everything that was going on. How she felt about things. How she was dealing with things. And at the end of the day it all boils down to understanding. There's a reason behind the things people do. It's simply a matter of accepting that reason and understanding them for it and them helping them get through it. You hear stories about married couples going through a divorce. It's really not an option anyone should think about after marriage. After all it's for better or for worse, right? But what if sometimes it becomes too much to bear? What if sometimes things get impossible to handle? What if that's the reason divorces happen in the first plac...
2 comments
Read more

To Date.

I've recently been nominated for the Liebster Blog Award thanks to a friend of mine I've only known via Facebook for some years now. The blog post for that is still being drafted. I've been posed some pretty tricky questions /;) Haven't been blogging as frequently as I used to coz I didn't bring my laptop back home this time round. Didn't think I'd have much use for it. Things have been a little...crazy here to say the least. I'm actually twenty-one now. Though I must say, the word 'freedom' was never synonymous with this age. All I ever related to this milestone was responsibility. Funny. It's been such a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I could never completely describe it. I've been thinking about how I've celebrated my birthdays all these years. Two birthdays I celebrated away from home. My eighteenth, which was in the UK with Aunty M and Uncle T, and my twentieth, which was in Johor with my classmates and a once...
2 comments
Read more

Confessions Of A Med Student

Everyone knows how tough medicine can be. Not just as a profession but also to study. I knew it would be stressful. I knew. But that's about all I was told. Now that I'm experiencing it, it's a whole different story. Our days are long. Our weekends fly by within the blink of an eye. There are never ending tests, exams, assignments, presentations, role play sessions and lab sessions. Classes start at eight every day five days a week. We finish at five on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Fridays we finish at one and on Wednesdays at three, followed by extra co-curricular activities from five to seven in the evening. Tuesdays are test days for Biochemistry. After every unit we're given a short test to see where we stand which keeps us on our toes. We have role play sessions on Mondays and Fridays. Presentations can be on any given day. Assignments are a day to day thing. Questions, essays. And when I say essays I mean pages and pages of what you've studi...
1 comment
Read more