I'm an INTJ

I was reading an article the other day on Thought Catalog about how the modern dating scene is driving each Myers-Briggs personality batshit crazy. And I decided to finally find out which personality I am.

Turns out I'm an INTJ - Introversion (I), Intuitive (N), Thinking (T), Judgement (J). Which is spot on.

I've come to realize, over the years, that when I like someone, and if that someone likes me back, I automatically tend to expect things. I automatically expect them to treat me the way I treat them, and do for me the things I do for them, and think of me the way I think about them.

Expectation is the root of all heartache isn't it?

But that's just me. I don't know how to stop feeling like this.

I'm someone who can be extremely affectionate but it takes a while for me to open up. I usually come across as cold or distant because I'm so afraid that if I open up, I might open up too much and scare the person off. So it's always the other party who has to initiate things, make me comfortable, only then do I slowly let go. 

It's not easy sometimes. 

I want so much to tell them how much I feel and how much I care about them and how much I love them, but I can never translate those feelings into words. I can write about it, though. I can so easily bleed on paper about the way I feel, but rarely ever in words. It has always, always been like this. I've always written letters and notes, but never said anything out loud. I still fail to understand why I get so tongue tied when it comes to expressing myself.

I end up doing things instead. If I like you, I'll remember all the little things about you, all the things you like etc. If I see something you like while I'm out I'd get it for you. If I'm out getting a slice of cake for myself that I know you'd like too, I'd get one for you as well. That's how I am. I may not say it but I do things.
I will write you poems and speak to you through lyrics. I will sacrifice sleep for you, drop what I'm doing and be there for you if you need me. I will be there to help you, take care of you, push you forward. I will bend over backwards for you, all you have to do is show me you care just as much. That's me.

With my girl friends it's completely different. They make me feel so at home. We talk about things so easily, so nonchalantly. But with my parents it's different. I can text them "I love you." but rarely ever say it in person. Unless mom or dad say it, then I respond with "Love you, too.". 

How does one overcome this?

Whenever I'm disappointed with the people I care about I tend to keep it in until it doesn't matter anymore or I just write about it and let it go. I don't like keeping things in but the words I practice saying in my head never come out the way I want them to when I actually start talking.

It's so frustrating!

:(