Of Clicks & Connections

Best friend popped in for a visit yesterday and brought me these lovely Eustomas. 

Flowers for the first time in my life.

:')

I was actually halfway through a post about my recent dengue experience but this morning at around eight I changed my mind about the content and decided that I had something else I was dying to blog about.

Have been re-reading Dorothy Koomsons's The Chocolate Run. 

Amber the commitment-phobe and Greg the absolute tart.

On page 90, she describes about the way she is when she first starts going out with a guy. How she "...started to obsess about every little thing connected with him."

And as paranoid as she seemed explaining the way she felt and did things, I think it's how many of us are at the start of a relationship after being in a broken one way before.

You start to worry about how it'll play out, about how things will go, about whether or not it'll end like the first one.

And then comes all the trusting and the outpourings-of-the-heart sessions.

Have you ever met someone, made friends with someone and very simply connected with them? Just like that.

Either physically or mentally or emotionally.

Sometimes you meet this one person (or these few people) and you click and connect so instantly it's like you guys were made for each other in a past life or something.

Have you ever experienced that?

I don't know if it's something to be in awe about or if it's something that should creep me out but I find it very comforting.

To be able to talk to someone and connect with them in such a way that you sometimes only dream about.

It happened once when I was fifteen. We talked about everything under the sun for hours on end and never got bored. Conversation would go on and on and on, pausing only when we had to continue with our usual schedule or routine, and then we'd be right back where we left off. After about a year or so it all came to a halt.

But it's happening again.

With someone else and it's exactly the same.

And as much as I adore how comfortable I am with this person, I hate it, too, because it'll come to an end again. We'll both end up leading very different lives. We'll both have different dreams. And we'll drift our own separate ways eventually.

It takes a lot for me to completely trust someone.

To be able to tell them almost every nitty gritty detail about myself and about what I've been through and not being judged for it.

This is how I see it in my head; two computer animated characters standing facing each other in complete darkness illuminated by a spotlight somewhere above where they're standing. There's no talking. They're conversing silently. Mentally, perhaps. Every time one character shares something about themselves, a part of them, like part of their flesh gets disconnected from their body and attaches itself onto the other character. In the same manner, when the other character shares a piece of information about themselves, a part of their flesh gets attached to the other person and there's a sense of completion there, as twisted as this sounds. They just stand there and there's this transfer of flesh and no matter how much they share with each other, they're never completely devoid of their own flesh because the other person is sharing things as well. Can you understand? Can you picture it?They're trusting each other enough because of the connection that they have.

God it probably sounds like I've been on drugs or something.

This is just how it played about in my head this morning and I can't stop thinking about it.

When I share something with you, it's because I trust you. 

All my hopes, all my dreams, all my fears, all the things I've done.

Especially the things I've done.