Write Drunk, Edit Sober

As I sit here by my window watching it drizzle and looking out at the mist that is blanketing the hills, I can't help but to think about all the people who will be counting down to the new year with their families, friends and loved ones in a matter of hours. As always I will be here, at home, with my own family, waiting for the clock to strike 12 as we welcome in the new year, where we will have a family prayer and share a bottle of red amongst the four of us.  I have come to realize a number of things this year, just like I usually do every year. The difference this time is that it all makes perfect sense and I'm not running around like a headless chicken in my mind trying to figure out what the hell is happening or why things are the way they are or why people do the things they do. This time it all just makes sense. Ultimately, though, this year has taught me all about self worth. I've come to realize my value and I will no longer allow anyone to take me for

I am so tired of having to live up to expectations. I really am. It's so fucking frustrating and I just can't do it anymore. Back in school I was expected to be an all A student. No ifs, no buts. Even if it meant I had to sacrifice sunday school or church service as I got older. Even if it meant I had to sacrifice outings with my friends, co-curricular activities. I simply had to get my A's. Which I did get but still. Once I got into college I was expected to be on my best behaviour 24/7. Don't talk back even if it means making a logical point. Don't show your face to anyone even if they treat you like shit. Don't do this. Don't do that. And I constantly had people watching me like a hawk when what I did was none of their damn business. Now I'm almost done with my course, I'm going to be 25 next year and mom still expects so much! I'm supposed to walk like her, talk like her, dress like her, be like her. And every single time I

"Before you let a man sweep you off your feet, come here lemme talk to you.  Before you let a man sweep you off your feet, be sure he is prepared to catch you when you fall. You might be too much woman for him.You might be too independent. Too smart. Too much of a catch. He may not be ready for the weight of how beautiful you are. How gorgeous you are. How strong you are. He may not be ready yet. You, have to be prepared...to be yourself regardless of if he can carry you or not. So it's important for you to know his past. His attributes. His strengths. If he's prepared to handle how beautiful you are. How gorgeous, how so awesome you are. So, I'm here to tell you...that it's super important for you to take your time. Don't just listen to sweet nothings. Don't listen to words, watch actions. Because you're too fragile to be dropped.  Your heart is way too valuable to be mishandled.  And your brain don't need a bruise. So before

And I can't waittttttt! Exams next week then I'll be home for my study break. It's almost the end of yet another year. I realize that with every passing year I'm always learning very important lessons about myself and about life. This year I realized my worth. My time, effort, love and energy are worth so, so much. And I shouldn't be giving it all to someone, to anyone, who doesn't appreciate it. Who doesn't appreciate me . And just last week I learnt that I need to take some time to calm myself down whenever I'm angry before going off to confront anyone because I end up not being able to contain myself and say things I don't mean 😑 Aaaanyways. More at the end of the month or next year methinks. Have a wonderful festive season wherever you all are! 🎄