See The Thing Is

I need to rant a little.

Maybe a lot. I'm not sure.

But either way. I need to let it out.

I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

Med school is a nightmare.

N.I.G.H.T.M.A.R.E. 

7 hours of classes back to bloody back, 5 days a week. Histology assignments to complete, Physiology assignments to finish, Biochem tests to study for every damn week without fail. Communication Skills and Community Medicine slides to go through, Moral studies to remember.

OH MY GOODNESS.

I JUST CANNOT.

I CANNOT.

Excuse me for being anything but sanguine here, I'm usually hope personified but today...I don't know I suppose you could say my spirits aren't exactly lifted.

I knew it was going to be hard but I didn't expect it to be this hard.

I knew I'd have a lot to do but I didn't think it would amount to this much.

I knew I'd be losing sleep but I didn't think I'd go days on end without any sleep at all. 

It's only the second semester of our first year and I'm already so exhausted.

I don't know how I'm going to get through four more years of this. And then go through 2 years of housemanship. And then go through one year doing my M.O. and then another 4 years doing my masters.

I don't know when I'm going to have my own family or if I'm even going to meet my baby daddy.

I don't know how things are going to work out. I don't know how I'm going to fare. 

I just don't know.

I don't know what made me decide to do medicine in the first place. All I knew was that I wanted to be a part of the Doctors Without Borders team. I still want that. But I don't know if I'll ever make it.

I don't know how to get into bed every night without a splitting headache. 

I don't know how I'm going to keep fit if I don't have any time whatsoever for physical fitness.

My temper these days isn't really good. All this lack of sleep makes me cranky and moody and I've got dark circles under my eyes like it was a birth right.

My eating habits are all haywire except for breakfast which is at ten every morning. We usually go without lunch and get something after class at five instead. And if I'm up studying there's gotta be some chocolate or biscuits or juice or tea available in the kitchen. I'd kill for a giant jar of M&M's to keep me awake.

PLUS the fact that I'm being watched like a God-damn hawk doesn't help matters AT. ALL. All the added pressure and tension makes it that much worse.

I can't take it!

I can't keep up with all these sky high expectations!

I can't spend hours keeping up with lectures in class then come back and pour my brains out studying 'till midnight!

I can't!

Someone get me outta here before my tears flood the apartment.