Goodnight, Beautiful.

The last time I cried this hard over a book was after I'd read Marian Keyes' Anybody Out There.

It's 4.14 in the wee hours of the morning and I've just finished Dorothy Koomson's Goodnight, Beautiful.

Bloody, bloody sad story I tell you ohmygoodness.

Okay there's Nova and Mal. Best friends since the day they were born. Both their families lived together all their lives.

Mal secretly loved her.

Nova secretly loved him.

Used to visit each other while studying etc etc but neither one made any move.

Bloody cowards I can't even...

Okay okay moving on.

Finally after eight months of travelling around the world, Nova welcomes Mal at the airport and he's all set to propose to her when all of a sudden, she introduces Mal to her boyfriend, Keith.

I was fuming by this point. Aside from being heartbroken.

After that Mal finds someone as well and the bitch's name is Steph.

Excuse the language. I'm writing this post immediately after reading the story so my emotions are at an all time high right now.

Steph and Mal. Nova and Keith.

Steph and Mal get married but Steph can't get pregnant (actually won't because she has some disorder that she doesn't want to pass down to her offspring.) so they ask Nova (since she's Mal's bestest mate in the whole entire universe) to be the surrogate.

Nova thinks it through and says no at first but then changes her mind (for Mal) and agrees.

Mal is overjoyed. Goes over to see her all the time; after work etc. Cooks for her, makes sure she's being taken care of.

And Stepth can't take it. 

One night when Mal is over at Nova's place, they finally confess to liking each other since way, way back. Something goes on between the two of them. Nothing physical but there was something.

And trust me I know all about that.

"It's much harder looking for evidence of an affair that isn't happening physically. There's no telltale lipstick on the collar, no smell of her perfume, no unexplained absences or sudden preening. When it's a case of being unfaithful with your heart and mind, it's much easier to hide; it's much harder to uncover."

SO. TRUE.

SO. F***ING TRUE I can't even begin to explain to you how true this is. 

Honestly.

Now where was I.

Okay yes. So Steph knows that something's going on between Mal and Nova and she basically gives Mal an ultimatum; his baby that Nova is carrying for them or Steph herself.

He promised at the altar that he'd never leave her, so he breaks all ties with Nova, leaving her to fend for herself with the baby she initially agreed to have for the both of them.

See why I hate Steph? From the beginning itself she knew Mal had a thing going for Nova. Couldn't she have just let them have a go at each other? She wanted Mal to herself no matter what. Didn't she stop for just one moment to think about what it would be like in the future? 

Mal and Nova. Nova and Mal.

It was meant to be!

Until Steph got in the way.

Anyway, Nova has the baby on her own.

Leo, she named him.

Leo.

When Leo turns seven, he gets an aneurysm in his brain and goes into a coma and he never wakes up.

The part where Nova is in the hospital room with him, holding his hands for the last time, looking at him, hearing his heart beat for the last time, all the detailed explanation given is what made me lose it. I couldn't stop myself. How vivid everything was in my head. To lose someone you love with all your heart and soul. To lose someone you gave life to...

Sigh.

In the end, though, Nova gets a little girl (from having a "session" with Mal when he came down to see Leo who was at the hospital. Mal offered to help Nova forget about everything she was going through by "making love" to her. Pfft).

So in the end she's happy with twenty-one month old Dolly (the name of a cloned sheep. Sound familiar?).

Apart from the part where Leo passes on, the first half of the story really got to me.

If you really love someone, tell them. Do whatever it takes. Tell them. Don't ever keep it to yourself coz you may never get the moment back.

Same thing goes if you don't really love someone. Again. Tell them. You can't hide these things. You can't. It'll eventually eat you up from the inside.

I loved how Mal and Nova were close from the time they were kids. I loved how they were best friends and how they could share every damn thing with each other. 

I loved how Mal had his head on Nova's lap every time he was down about something and Nova would distract him by simply running her fingers through his hair and talking. Talking and talking and talking until he fell asleep.

"But that's the thing about all of this. We survive. After each knock down, earth-shattering blow, we get up again. Even though we walk through hell, and we walk through hell, and we walk through hell, and it feels like all we do is walk through hell, we do eventually make it to the other side. Scarred. Mostly broken. But we survive. And then we start to rebuild ourselves. Because something like this is just another way in which we change. We all have to change."

See that's the thing about writing. 

It comes at odd hours.
And if you don't get it out of your system, it's like nothing's right in the world.

Lol, good night, beautiful.