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Not Anymore

I started following this series called Masters of Sex a few days ago. Halfway through the second season now.
It's about two pioneers researching the science behind human sexuality and it's set between 1950 and 1960 in the US.
I wonder how it must have felt like for women back in the day to have to depend on men their whole lives for everything they ever wanted or ever needed.
To have to depend on the man to bring home sufficient wages to feed the family and see to the bills. To depend on a man to come fix something in the house that was broken.
To depend on a man to see to a woman's health, to prescribe her the right medication.
To depend on a man to treat her right.
To depend on a man to never cheat, lie or be disloyal.
How frustrating it must have been for women who just wanted to break free from all that!
I don't know what it is exactly, but watching this has made me start thinking about how I've had to do things for myself and not depend on anyone.
Being alone wasn't particularly easy in the beginning but I got accustomed to it. And over the years I've grown to enjoy my own company in spite of the fact that I have my friends around me. Being alone gives me space to do what I want. To not have to make conversation with anyone if I don't want to. To come home and not have to worry about anyone or anything and just be in my element
Come this September it'd be my fifth year away from the house. My fifth year alone, in my apartment, in my room with a big bed all to myself and a bathroom door I don't have to keep closed and music I can listen to at whatever volume I choose.
It's been nice living alone. It really has.
But I've reached that point in life where I don't want to be alone anymore.
I don't want to come home to an empty apartment anymore.
I don't want to come home and not have anyone be there to listen about how my day went.
I don't want to sit on my wooden furniture while watching a sappy movie on TV and not have a shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold.
These past few years have been really swell. They have.
I've grown to know myself more than ever and I know exactly who I am as a person and I'm continuing to figure out what I want out of life and how to reach my goals.
But I don't want to do it alone anymore.
I still can. It's not that I can't. 
I'm perfectly capable of doing things for myself. I'm perfectly alright with having me, myself and I to depend on.
I just don't want to be alone anymore.
I really don't.

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