Write Drunk, Edit Sober

As I sit here by my window watching it drizzle and looking out at the mist that is blanketing the hills, I can't help but to think about all the people who will be counting down to the new year with their families, friends and loved ones in a matter of hours. As always I will be here, at home, with my own family, waiting for the clock to strike 12 as we welcome in the new year, where we will have a family prayer and share a bottle of red amongst the four of us.  I have come to realize a number of things this year, just like I usually do every year. The difference this time is that it all makes perfect sense and I'm not running around like a headless chicken in my mind trying to figure out what the hell is happening or why things are the way they are or why people do the things they do. This time it all just makes sense. Ultimately, though, this year has taught me all about self worth. I've come to realize my value and I will no longer allow anyone to take me for...

I am so tired of having to live up to expectations. I really am. It's so fucking frustrating and I just can't do it anymore. Back in school I was expected to be an all A student. No ifs, no buts. Even if it meant I had to sacrifice sunday school or church service as I got older. Even if it meant I had to sacrifice outings with my friends, co-curricular activities. I simply had to get my A's. Which I did get but still. Once I got into college I was expected to be on my best behaviour 24/7. Don't talk back even if it means making a logical point. Don't show your face to anyone even if they treat you like shit. Don't do this. Don't do that. And I constantly had people watching me like a hawk when what I did was none of their damn business. Now I'm almost done with my course, I'm going to be 25 next year and mom still expects so much! I'm supposed to walk like her, talk like her, dress like her, be like her. And every single time I ...

"Before you let a man sweep you off your feet, come here lemme talk to you.  Before you let a man sweep you off your feet, be sure he is prepared to catch you when you fall. You might be too much woman for him.You might be too independent. Too smart. Too much of a catch. He may not be ready for the weight of how beautiful you are. How gorgeous you are. How strong you are. He may not be ready yet. You, have to be prepared...to be yourself regardless of if he can carry you or not. So it's important for you to know his past. His attributes. His strengths. If he's prepared to handle how beautiful you are. How gorgeous, how so awesome you are. So, I'm here to tell you...that it's super important for you to take your time. Don't just listen to sweet nothings. Don't listen to words, watch actions. Because you're too fragile to be dropped.  Your heart is way too valuable to be mishandled.  And your brain don't need a bruise. So before ...

And I can't waittttttt! Exams next week then I'll be home for my study break. It's almost the end of yet another year. I realize that with every passing year I'm always learning very important lessons about myself and about life. This year I realized my worth. My time, effort, love and energy are worth so, so much. And I shouldn't be giving it all to someone, to anyone, who doesn't appreciate it. Who doesn't appreciate me . And just last week I learnt that I need to take some time to calm myself down whenever I'm angry before going off to confront anyone because I end up not being able to contain myself and say things I don't mean 😑 Aaaanyways. More at the end of the month or next year methinks. Have a wonderful festive season wherever you all are! 🎄

Less than 2 months 'till the year comes to an end! Can't believe everything has happened so quickly. Another year and I'll be waiting for my posting and I'll be working omg. Clinical exams tomorrow. New lecturer will be taking us so we're all a little nervous. After this it's another month of our last posting for Year 4 and then our study break starts and before we know it we'll be done with our professional exams. Really looking forward to some sun, sand and sea after that.  Was back home for Diwali over the weekend. Food coma for about 3 days.  Fresh-faced and ready for food, I wore a sky/cerulean blue Mysore silk saree that day. Felt so girly and grown up. Everything's pretty much the same otherwise :) Still taking pictures of sunsets everyday whenever I can, wherever I am. Still watching movies and series online when there's nothing else to do. Been thinking about getting a pet cat recently. I've never been a cat person....

Remember how we first started talking when you texted me on Christmas Day all those years ago? Remember the conversation we had that night where we just talked and talked about everything until nearly 6 in the morning. You asked me what I'd do if I had 24 hours left to live. And you told me what you'd do, too. That you'd just enjoy yourself by the beach without telling anyone. Remember all the messages we used to send each other back and forth every day without fail. Even when we never saw each other. All those good morning and good night texts.  And texts throughout the day. How the conversations never seemed to end. How they just kept going and going and going. I still remember the first day I saw you. How I noticed everything about you but pretended not to give a fuck. How your stupid car keys hung out of your back pocket. I hated it. Yet I started to like you. For some odd reason. Funny how the world works sometimes, no? Remember when I had my dengue e...

Made a trip to JB over the weekend to visit some old friends. Took a walk around town and found so many new cafes around. Was on my own so I couldn't try that many places but it was so nice to see all the places I used to go to with the girls when we were there.  This was at The Brew Orchestra. Very fancy place with quality items on their menu. The chocolate drinks were really rich and you could choose the percentage of dark chocolate you wanted. This little chocolate delight we had was a mix of chocolate mousse and chocolate sponge and it was a little bitter. A little more of that berry coulis would have cut through the bitterness but it was still really yummy. And the presentation was lovely!  When I was out on my own I checked out The Ice Cream Factory. They have only a few flavours available which they make to order with liquid nitrogen so you actually get to see your ice-cream being prepared. The place was cute but I wasn't greeted as I entered or left the pla...

Last day of electives today! Can't believe 3 weeks have gone by so quickly. Managed to fill up my logbook and got the head of department to fill up the assessment component. He said my handwriting looked typed. Hehehe. Took some pictures with the staff in the wards and clinic and also with the doctors. Very happy to have been able to make some new friends here. Visited the Perak Museum after this morning's session.    Rolls Royce Silver Cloud 111 Took this along the main road just before the museum.   This was at the hospital right after it rained like crazy this morning. Lovely sunny skies. There's so much to take in, here in Taiping. The mist after it rains; The hills surrounding town; Beautiful trees everywhere; Old colonial buildings. Truly blessed to have been able to spend some time here and to have been taken such good care of by two wonderful families. Looking forward to spending time with the fam next week ...

Two weeks of my elective posting have come and gone. I've got another week left. Requested to be in the Paediatric department and I'm loving it so far.  Made some lovely new friends from Sabah who are also doing their electives here. Today was the highlight of my two weeks, though. Helped the doctors assess the development two little boys whom at first were very shy, but slowly warmed up to me and gave me all of their attention. It was such a wonderful feeling to be able to engage with them like that it really was. The hospital is so much bigger than the one in Muar. Car park is a nuisance coz all the spaces are filled as early as 7.30 in the morning. The Paeds ward isn't all that big. The doctors are pretty friendly. The nurses are gems - once you get to know them.   Took this outside the CME room just before it started a few days ago. I'm always the earliest to arrive just to get a proper car park -.- Taiping is a small town with lots to see and even...

I started following this series called Masters of Sex a few days ago. Halfway through the second season now. It's about two pioneers researching the science behind human sexuality and it's set between 1950 and 1960 in the US. I wonder how it must have felt like for women back in the day to have to depend on men their whole lives for everything they ever wanted or ever needed. To have to depend on the man to bring home sufficient wages to feed the family and see to the bills. To depend on a man to come fix something in the house that was broken. To depend on a man to see to a woman's health, to prescribe her the right medication. To depend on a man to treat her right. To depend on a man to never cheat, lie or be disloyal. How frustrating it must have been for women who just wanted to break free from all that! I don't know what it is exactly, but watching this has made me start thinking about how I've had to do things for myself and not depend on a...